i used to talk to a particular person every day but time went on and it’s harder to talk every day when you’re 2000 miles and two time zones apart but we still talked a lot. several times a week, usually. and i got frustrated because this particular person is very technologically adverse. it’s easier to stay in touch when you can text and send dumb snapchats to each other when you think of the person. even my grandma emails. but when your only option is phone calls, things can get difficult because phone calls necessitate both people being fee at the same time for along enough period for a conversation.

anyway, i started getting frustrated because every time i called, i would get an answering machine which would be fine if my calls got returned in a timely manner, like 1-2 days. plus if you end a phone call with “i’ll call you tomorrow” i think that you should actually call tomorrow? at the very least send a text or something saying “can’t call today will soon” and that’s fine? i don’t mind being stood up as long as you communicate that it’s happening? you don’t even have to give a reason. but apparently “i don’t like texting” is a valid reason for not returning calls for a week. even my grandma will call back soon and leave a message if she misses me

trying to communicate what i was upset about like an adult wasn’t successful so i said i’d just wait to be called, since me calling never worked out and they were clearly busier than i was. “no, just call me when you’re free” okay but regardless of if i do or not, you’re just going to call at a time that works for you. i’m saving myself time in the long run, and i wish you would just admit that you take forever to call back. i’m not trying to blame you i’d just like to discuss why i’m upset. “well i do think we should talk about it but i only have like 5 minutes right now. i’ll call you tomorrow though.”

every conversation ended up the same and i was just tired? i’m still tired. i don’t think asking to be communicated with and treated like my time is valuable should make me feel like the bad one but it did every time. last conversation we had was over a month ago. it was a few days before my birthday and we talked about how i didn’t have any plans because my mom was out of town and my great aunt was in the hospital in very bad shape. the kind of conversation that usually warrants a follow up, a check in, a happy birthday, even. i sent a text for their birthday a few weeks later, partly to see what would happen, partly because i like to consider myself the kind of good person who doesn’t refuse to send a birthday greeting because they’re upset. no response of any kind.

we used to be best friends. i don’t really know what we are now.

(my great aunt has since passed away. she did so peacefully and we’ve known it was coming for a long time. it was a relief, given the state of her physical and mental health. it was sad but not crushing. i am doing okay, if you were wondering. thank you for your concern, if you were.)