I just showed up to my buddy’s house for our weekly D&D Night, and he pulled out this awesome creation that he built.
After we roll for Initiative, we each put on our clothespin to remember the order of our turns. I was so immediately impressed that I asked him if I could snap a pic and share with the rest of you. He graciously agreed.
DM (to our bard): The six cultists shove you to the ground, bow to the massive green dragon, and say, “Oh Great One, we have brought you this gold and this human sacrifice as tribute to your greatness. Please accept our offering.”
Rest of Party, looking on from a distance: Shit. He’s dead. He’s so dead. RIP Edward.
DM: The dragon thanks the cultists and asks if you have any last words.
Bard: I look up at the dragon and say, “I have brought you this gold and these six cultists as tribute to your greatness.”
Rest of Party: OH SHIT!
DM, who was clearly not expecting that: …………roll persuasion.
Bard: 17.
DM: The dragon says, “I like you. Duck.”
Bard: ….I duck?
DM: The dragon incinerates the cultists with his poison breath and leaves you alive, flying off with his treasure.
(We are exploring a sewer.) DM: “As you walk down the hallway, you hear a clacking noise, like hard stuff on hard stuff.” Player: “It’s two dicks.” DM: “It is not two dicks. It is in fact a dick’s worst enemy, a whole family of crabs.”
1) beautifully constructed, thoughtfully named, you’ve had this character for five years, and it is only now that you have a medium to express them through. twenty pages of backstory and lore, you probably lovingly crafted a costume or a token to fully bring them to life.
2) it’s you, but you’re now a warlock or a paladin or some shit.
3) Its Joke (ex. Boo Boo the Chaotic Good Barbarian, Dio Brando but as a dryad, etc.)
4) Real Ass People (ex. Hatsune Miku, Barack Obama, Hulk Hogan, etc.)
Other often used DM proverbs that are actually thinly layered warnings;
“You can certainly try.” “Do you say that in character?” “Do you say that out loud?” “You can try to touch it.” “Where are you looking?” “Are you paying attention to what’s going on over there?” “That’s going to be hard, but I’d love to see you pull it off.” “It’s your choice.” “Do you really want my opinion?”
What’s a player to a god, what’s a god to a DM, what’s a DM to a nat 20
this is funny but I’m going to be a Joke Ruiner here in hopes that this might be useful to anybody looking to run a D&d game sometime for the first time.
A natural 20 always ‘succeeds’ but does not always do what the player intended to do. If a player attempts to do something Impossible, then a Natural 20 cannot make it possible, instead, have the Outcome of their Attempt be helpful in an obvious way, without being necessarily a magical Super thing. Greg the ranger attempts to climb an 80 foot smooth marble wall with no handholds? Greg is level two? Greg does not climb that wall with a Natural 20, however, while looking for good handholds Greg spies an important clue reflected in the mirror-like surface of the wall, perhaps finding a secret catch to open a hidden door in the wall granting the party entrance to the dungeon?
Even though Greg didn’t search for the door, his incredible Luck granted him the opportunity to succeed anyways. Because that’s what a Natural 20 is. It’s Luck. A lucky swing catches an opponent off guard, even if they’re a seasoned fighter. No amount of luck will allow Susan the 1st level barbarian to shoot the God of War in the eye, but if she is Lucky enough, then he’ll be amused and impressed by her brash valor, and grant her a boon or a gift, rather than be insulted by her attack.
Keep in mind that a Natural 20 should align with what is best for the player, not necessarily what the player wants. If a player rolls a 20 while attempting to do something you know will end badly for them? Take advantage of your knowledge and have their roll instead indicate that not only does their attempt fail, it does so in a way that alerts the player to the danger of their attempt.
For example, they try to shoot a guard under the assumption he’s alone and it will be a sneaky quiet attack? Have the shot miss in such a way that the guard tells his friends just around the corner to “knock off all that racket, some of us still have jobs to do tonight!”
This kind of thing helps create a believable, consistent world for your players. Something that has rules and laws of physics of it’s own, even if those physics are a bit more fast and loose with thermodynamics than ours are. If a Natural 20 Always Works, then the world quickly loses credibility, because in that world, not only can literally Anything Happen, it has a 5% chance to do so All the Time
A world like that doesn’t really make much sense, and wouldn’t look at all like our world, and is therefore really hard for players to get attached to.
This is really good. I’d just like to add that you also have the option of just saying “That’s not going to work.” So many tales of DM woe could be averted by just being aware that the DM can not let the players roll dice in the first place.
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