Tag: d&d

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greyguardian64:

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It’s universally agreed that the mimic, a monster that impersonates a treasure chest and eats you if to try to open it, is the sort of conceptually ridiculous threat that could only come from old-school Dungeons & Dragons, but I suspect that a lot of folks who got into the game post-2000 – or who’ve only heard about it second hand – don’t realise just how representative it really is of the kind of dungeon-dwelling bullshit we had to put up with back in the day.

I’ve got a copy of the Monstrous Manual for Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition (pub. 1993) in front of me, and in this book alone you’ll find:

  • A shapeshifting subterranean predator that impersonates doorways
  • A monster that looks like a cloak, and when you put it on it eats you
  • A giant – as in 20 feet across – flying manta ray that looks like the ceiling*
  • At least three unrelated beasties that impersonate decorative statues
  • A flesh-eating ooze that looks like a rock formation
  • A flesh-eating ooze that looks like a pool of water
  • A flesh-eating ooze that looks like a brick wall (you may have noticed that flesh-eating oozes are something of a theme)
  • An undead critter that also looks like a brick wall (the explanation for how it pulls this off is like half a page long)
  • A tentacled whatsit that impersonates a pile of trash
  • A snail-like critter that disguises itself as a stalactite, then falls on your head when you walk underneath it
  • A monster that looks like a stalagmite (can’t have one without the other, right?) that grabs you with sticky tentacles when you walk past
  • A monster that looks like a tree, and when you walk beneath its branches it sneakily places a noose-like vine around your neck and hangs you
  • A flying mushroom that looks like a different monster, except when you attack it, it explodes and infects you with poisonous spores

* Interestingly, there are no less than three apparently totally unrelated
species of giant flying mantra rays in this book, though only one of them
impersonates architecture.

And that’s just in the core rules for that particular edition. Various supplements for this and previous editions have included carnivorous floors, undead clothing, malevolent furniture, and – I swear I’m not making this up – a beastie that looks like a tree stump with a rabbit standing on it, and attacks you if you try to catch the rabbit (which is actually an anglerfish-like lure).

Basically, there are two things you should take away from this:

1. The variant mimics you see on Tumblr are no more ridiculous than what you’ll find in the actual source material; and

2. In old-school Dungeons & Dragon, literally everything is trying to kill you.

Let’s not forget the Bag of Devouring, which is a beastie pretending to be the most useful/neccasarry item in the game (bag of holding) and doesn’t even reveal itself until after it has eaten all your stuff and part of your arm

Ah, yes – the Bag of Devouring. The perfect intersection between “disguised monsters that want to kill you in ways that make no sense” and “seemingly helpful magic items that want to kill you in ways that make no sense” – that latter could be a whole post on its own!

(I’m like 99% convinced that the entire SCP Foundation universe is just somebody’s “D&D Modern” AU.)

Okay, I’ve gotten multiple requests for the “seemingly helpful magic items that want to kill you in ways that make no sense”

post, so here goes. Again, I am literally just reading out of the Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition Dungeon Master’s Guide – this isn’t like a “best of” compilation spanning the game’s entire product line or anything, it’s all right there in the core rules.

Notable entries include:

  • A magic ring that causes the wearer to become deluded that the ring has some useful magical power. (Its only real power is to delude the wearer into thinking it has powers.)
  • A magic ring that legitimately has some useful magical power, but also renders the wearer psychologically incapable of agreeing with any spoken statement.
  • The aforementioned bag of devouring, which impersonates a bag of holding (i.e., a bag that’s larger on the inside than the outside), but is actually a feeding orifice of some nasty extradimensional critter.
  • A different screw-you variation on the bag of holding that randomly transmutes precious metals placed inside into base metals, and destroys magic items.
  • An enchanted bowl that every test indicates will summon friendly water elementals with a suitable ritual. When the ritual is actually performed, however, it shrinks the user to the size of an ant and drowns her. (Also, any deaths caused by this bowl explicitly resist all normal methods of resurrection, for no obvious reason other than fuck you.)
  • An enchanted bell that seems to have the power to open locked doors, and actually does so the first few times it’s used. After several uses, however, it suddenly switches to causing everyone who hears it to become ravenously hungry, to the point that they’ll try to kill and eat each other if no other obvious food sources are available.
  • A cloak that kills you when you put it on. That’s it. That’s all it does.
  • A pair of glasses that turn you to stone when you put them on. Again, that’s their sole function.
  • A pair of boots that perfectly duplicate the functions of some other,
    actually useful type of magic boots; as soon as the wearer enters
    combat, however, their useful property vanishes and they start dancing.

  • A magic drum that permanently deafens the user and anyone else within seventy feet when struck.
  • A broom that is “identical to a broom of flying to all tests”, except when you actually try to use it to fly, it comes to life and starts swatting you in the face instead. 
  • A pair of gloves that seem to give you super-strength, but the first time you encounter a “life and death situation”, their effect switches to rendering you supernaturally clumsy instead. Once the curse activates they can’t be removed without magical aid.
  • A hat that makes you stupid. 
  • A harp whose music is so supernaturally bad that everyone within earshot is driven to attack the player in a mindless rage.
  • A carpet that rolls you up inside it and suffocates you if you sit on it.
  • A spear that functions normally at first, but has a small random chance to curl around and stab you in the back each time you use it.

That’s by no means exhaustive, but I’m going to have to stop there because there are just so darned many of the things.

The list of “seemingly helpful magic items that want to kill you in ways that make no sense” looks like it came straight out of Oglaf.

Oglaf is literally just Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 1st Edition as played by moderately drunk college students. I don’t mean literally-for-emphasis – I mean that’s actually, 100% what happens. It could be revealed tomorrow that the whole comic is just the author’s gaming journal and I wouldn’t bat an eye.

What I get from this is:

a) The influence of Dungeons & Dragons in other fictional works is really pervasive.

b) Dark Souls is nothing else but a D&D campaign with a particularly sadistic GM.

Totally. D&D is, like, weirdly influential once you start digging into it; in the grand scheme of things, it’s a game that practically nobody actually plays, yet there are entire genres of popular media directly based on it. Not just in the West, either – look into the history of JRPGs or fantasy anime some time. The 1980s Satanism freakout notwithstanding, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there was an actual deal with the Devil somewhere along the lines to account for it.

i’m here for the undead brick wall idk about y’all

List of resources for dnd

hawkeabelas:

meonlyred:

corseque:

deweydecimalchickens:

breadofthewild:

mushroomancy:

occams-lazer:

mushroomancy:

mushroomancy:

roll20: Make an account to play the game

Orcpub: For hosting and editing your character sheet

DND Wiki: Homebrew things, races, classes, misc

Players Handbook: Rules how to play how to make a character, all basic information for playing a game

Discord: to talk during and about the game

Mythweavers: another character sheet editor

Homebrewery: homebrew creation tool. Uses basic coding language to great effect.

If anyone wants to join just join the discord server and post your character

http://autorolltables.github.io/#

can randomly generate just about ANYTHING. awesome for dms

Tabletop Audio: background music and sound effects for the ambience.

PCGen – a character creation program that handles all the tricky and tedious parts of building characters, including NPCs.

d20pfsrd.com – all the free information you would ever need to play Pathfinder, an alternative to D&D

DiceCloud: Interactive character sheet that can be edit and shared with yourself or others easily. Pulled up anywhere with internet connection on PC, Mac, or mobile device. Use it to also mark down health, death saving throws, spell slots, experience, and more on the fly. 

DnDMagic: List all spells currently available from Player’s Handbook and Elemental Evil. 

5th Edition Spellbook app: Make spellbooks for all your characters, manage spells, prepare spells. Keep track of Spell Save DC, and Spell Attack bonus on your mobile device. 

Squire – Another character creation and management app. Contains most of the basic info and spells already, with options to create spells, items, classes/subclasses, etc. This is the free version, but pro has more options for DMs, including initiative order control.

50 Rumors And Hooks…

creativerogues:

  1. A bandit gang preys on wounded and weary adventurers
    as they straggle down the road from the dungeon
    to the city. 
  2. A black cloak was stolen from the Burnt Bridge tavern
    last night; sewn into the hem is a treasure map.
  3. A gigantic egg appeared in the town square last night.
    No one knows what might hatch out of it, but it’s
    going to happen soon.
  4. A deity walks the city streets disguised as a humble
    mortal. 
  5. A hot-tempered knight has promised all his lands to
    his brother if he is bested at the upcoming jousting
    tournament.
  6. A leading churchman has announced a heretical
    doctrine; his fellow priests have demanded that he
    recant, on pain of excommunication. 
  7. A wrestler named Drón Goldentress will perform
    three great quests for anyone who can beat her in
    a match. 
  8. Agitation grows in a neighboring land for a renewed
    war against the kingdom. 
  9. An eerie dog with glowing eyes stalks the city at
    night. The magnificent sorcerer Furioso was bitten by
    it, and now he can barely remember his own name.
  10. Ditchdiggers unearthed an ornate tin casket the other
    day. They can’t figure out how to open it, but won’t
    let anyone else try, either. 
  11. Drinking a poison surely meant for someone else,
    the meek baker Oswald dropped dead in a tavern
    last night. 
  12. During the day, the headsman’s daughter appears
    rather homely, but under the moonlight, she is the
    fairest young maiden in the realm.
  13. Every hundred years or so, a black, venomous rain
    falls on the city, killing hundreds of people. A recurrence
    is months overdue. 
  14. The Superordinate Six, a band of famed adventurers,
    have failed to return from an expedition to the Rat
    City ruins. 
  15. Goblins tunneled a good distance under the city walls
    last year, but the authorities covered it up. 
  16. Grave robbers have been digging up the bones of
    slain adventurers. They must be working for a lich
    or evil wizard. 
  17. Luriez the horse trader is auctioning off Bravo, a
    clever and magnificent steed. His former owner,
    a luckless mercenary, lost him in a dice game. 
  18. Magic items sold by Antesos Three-Beard have a
    peculiar way of finding their way back to his shop
    after the purchasers die. 
  19. Many of a famous knight’s heroic feats were in fact
    performed by his squire, a young girl dressed as
    a boy.
  20. Mercenaries have taken sanctuary in the temple; the
    high priests want them out but are forbidden by the
    tenets of their faith to expel them. 
  21. Pound for pound, the most valuable treasure in town
    is not silver or gold, but the cache of saffron hidden
    in the spice merchant’s shop. 
  22. Priestess Ciana has great healing powers, but those
    she raises from the dead sometimes take on her
    personality traits. 
  23. Pulsing green lights are frequently observed near the
    abandoned mines south of the city. 
  24. Recent rains flooded the catacombs beneath the city;
    strange things are floating to the surface.
  25. Someone is stealing all of the town’s church bells. 
  26. Somewhere in the city, the priceless Altar of Kych is
    hidden in plain sight.
  27. The armorer Casabon just received a shipment of
    Zhenish steel, which will make fine blades for those
    who can afford them.
  28. The astronomer Harun the Subtle reports sighting a
    circle of new red stars in the sky. The Royal Astrological
    Society has offered a reward to anyone who can
    conclusively explain the meaning of this omen.
  29. The beloved singer Dulari has fallen prey to a terrible
    illness, one the healers can’t cure. 
  30. The bullying city watchman Moyalva has been extorting money from the weak and helpless.
  31. The courtier Vivando has fallen out of favor with
    the king, who suspects him of having eyes for the
    princess.
  32. The exiled prince of Cadis unwisely dismissed a
    churlish servant who knows too much about his
    master’s business.
  33. The feathers that rained down on Beggar’s Alley last
    night came from the wings of battling archons.
  34. The floorboards beneath the Trembling Pig Inn are
    hollow and full of stolen gold.
  35. Pirates have disrupted grain shipments meant for the
    kingdom; starvation looms if traders cannot resupply in time.
  36. The high sheriff becomes violently enraged if anyone
    accuses him of having orc blood. 
  37. The king is a usurper who has the real heir to the
    throne chained up in his basement.
  38. The king plans to build new watchtowers around the
    city. Laborers, once desperate for work, will soon be
    hard to hire.
  39. The king’s chief minister plans to step down, making
    way for his clever but abrasive protégé. 
  40. The philosopher Frabreck has released another
    pamphlet arguing for the conquest of the orc lands,
    so that its peoples can be liberated from evil and
    placed under the king’s benevolent rule.
  41. The rancher Septimus is raising a flock of strange
    reptilian beasts on his farm.
  42. The retainers of an unpopular knight quelled an
    uprising on his lands by fi ring crossbows into an
    unarmed throng.
  43. The rich merchant Zaguant has learned that pirates
    have sold his son into slavery.
  44. The son and daughter of two rival merchant families
    eloped a few weeks ago. Both fathers offer a reward
    for the son: his father aims to protect him, but the
    girl’s wants him dead.
  45. Whenever a member of the murderous Lampedusa
    clan is slain, the weapon used to deal the death blow
    is permanently imbued with powerful magic.
  46. The young adventurer Brialda carries a shield bearing
    the crest of the Acatero family, even though, as an
    illegitimate daughter of that clan, she is not entitled
    to it. 
  47. An ancient throne lies buried in a field nearby.
    Anyone who sits on the throne for an entire night
    will rise from it a wise man or a lunatic.
  48. They say that if you listen long enough to the water
    lapping against the shore near the statue of King
    Brand, you will hear the name of an innocent person
    you are fated to kill. 
  49. They’re slaughtering more than just cows and sheep
    at the old abattoir down by the piers.
  50. Whenever ravens gather on the clock tower, a mighty
    hero dies.