so my dad mountain bikes with a bunch of dudes he met on the internet, most of whom are closer to my age than to his. two of them work at google in boulder, and he asked if i was interested in meeting them for lunch to ask some questions about working there. despite our distant relationship, i said yes because it’s google and it’d be really cool to work there.

i have no idea how to network, or how to prepare for networking because it’s not anything i’ve ever done before so i figured i’d just bring my resume and dress nice and ask questions as i thought of them.

the lunch ended up being me, my dad, his friend dylan, and his friend annie who works in hr there because apparently my dad’s been telling everyone that’s what i’m interested in doing (not that i’m not but i’m not dedicated to going into it? it’d be fine but i’m not that invested? although he is right that it’s about the only thing i could do at google)

anyway we got a tour of the google which was cool and then we went up to the cafe and there were tons of options and i panicked and got a kale salad and pizza because i was so nervous that i was kind of queasy and didn’t want to get something and then not like it and i didn’t realize the salad was mostly kale until i put it into my mouth which was fun.

most of the dinner conversation was dylan asking general questions about hr because he’s a tech guy and knows nothing about it and me occasionally asking questions about how google’s is different than other places, or answering questions about my background or interests. dylan and annie were super nice and suggested a bunch of things and dylan said he’d send me links to some jobs that we’d talked about and then they both had to leave for meetings so my dad and i walked back to our cars together.

at the cars, he told me all the things i’d done wrong, how i hadn’t asked enough questions and hadn’t come prepared so i tried to defend myself and said that i’m good at interviews but i’ve never done networking and he was like “this WAS an interview. it was to see how well you’d fit in here and the results are inconclusive at best” and then he gave me a book about how to apply for any jobs at tech companies and told me that i shouldn’t bother to apply for any of the jobs until i’d read it and then left. (i’ve essentially never expressed interest in working for tech companies? like it’d be cool to work for google but i can’t impress enough that he seems to think it’s some big dream of mine but i’ve at most mentioned it in passing once? it’s like when one time i made a joke about starbucks in front of my aunt about 10 years ago and she’s never given me any gift but starbucks giftcards since?)

anyway i cried the whole way home and then a little bit after i was home and then a little bit more on the way to work and didn’t answer the phone when my dad called and so he left a voicemail and also sent an email where he was like “hey sorry if you’re upset sometimes i care too much and then try too hard” and then he asked if i want to get lunch this weekend before he goes to berlin.

anyway i’m trying to draft a thank you note to dylan who was very nice and helpful and who’s only crime is that he’s weirdly friends with my shitty dad but i just can’t manage this thank you note right now and i’m trying to not worry about when it’s too late to send a thank you note. i’ll probably work on it this weekend i guess.