having both some thoughts and some feelings and where better to put those into the Scream Void
on this website we talk a lot about dumping anyone in your life when they become toxic for you and while i think that’s beneficial, we don’t usually talk about what it’s like being on the other side of that. you’re gonna get dumped a lot of times in your life, whether it’s slowly growing apart mutually, or them deciding that this friendship isn’t working for them. it might be acquaintances or fair-weather friends and it might be your best friends.
it’s an opportunity to think critically (after you’ve gone through your stages of grief) about your part in the relationship and what things you can do in your life to improve and be better as a person. and if it happens multiple times it’s good to also think about common denominators between those relationships and whether you’ve done the improving that you wanted to (and if the answer is no, that’s okay! trying is the important part). don’t let the fact that you are a common denominator make you think you’re a bad person. i don’t really have many examples that aren’t vastly personal, but a vague one is that someone kicking me out of their life caused me to realize that i wasn’t thinking about things from their perspective and therefore was unfairly expecting them to do too much for me.
justin mcelroy has this advice about a good marriage, and i think it really applies to most close relationships, which is that both people should feel like they’re doing 60% of the work. (in this context i’m thinking of just emotional labor) if you dump your problems on someone constantly but never take the time to listen to them, or if you’re someone’s shout vase but never talk to them about your issues, neither of those is a good relationship. be kind to each other
(basically i’m having a weird time and i’m tired and i’m sad and i’m doing a preemptive postmortem because (i don’t actually know what i was gonna put after this because i fell asleep for a bit but i don’t know what but it sounds weird without the because have a good day))
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