Hey, if you were in the UK in 1994 around Christmas, and you grabbed a ride towards Scotland in a black van, and in the back of the van there was a body in a coffin, a lady with a fiddle, and another lady with a newborn, and everyone was in weirdly high spirits, and you eventually had to bail just kinda in the middle of nowhere and you hopped off and disappeared into the night, can you let me know if you’re alright?
I was the newborn and I’m really worried about you.
(Can folks share this post? I legitimately want to find this stranger, I have so many questions, and I think they do as well.)
Now with some corrections according to the lady with the fiddle!
THERE IS AN EXPLANATION. I’m so sorry for what ended up being a teaser of a post, but there is a story and it’s not INCREDIBLY WEIRD I promise.
Basically, around the time I was born one of my uncles was dying. I’ve been told that he saw how poetic it was, and that holding newborn me helped a little bit. But soon after I was born he passed away.
Now I don’t know all the details, and some of what I know might be wrong, it was 23 years ago now and I was a newborn but parts of the family (including my mum and a couple of my extended cousins) were transporting his body to Edrom, Scotland. My cousin had this van that was a huge part of her entire persona, so we loaded it up, everyone was settled, and away we went!
Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss, and if I’m entirely honest at least most of my family are the most interesting people I know. So it was kind of a really jaunty trip, everyone was in high spirits, and it was a long drive. We had to stop to refuel, it was quite late at night, and there was some bloke who wanted to hitch a ride (or we offered him a ride). Either way, we had a hitchhiker.
Now, if my cousin remembered it right, she did disclose that we had a body in the back. He was in his coffin but still. Mysterious Stranger assured that it was no problem, he’s seen a body before, it’s late, he just wants to get where he’s going.
So, the Weirdly Cheerful Road Trip continued with this new person! And I suppose it was just… too weird. Because at some point he just kinda demanded that we stop the van, he hopped out, and just… left.
And to be fair, if you managed to grab a lift with a small group of strangers with a body in a coffin, and everyone is just singing and having a grand ol’ time, it would be a bit unnerving to say the least. I certainly don’t blame him for needing to bail. But I hope he’s ok and he got where he needed to go. And now I’ve cast this frightfully specific weird post into the internet in the hope of maybe finding that person so I can be reassured that they’re ok, and they can be assured that we’re not dangerous folks. We’re just eccentric.
my new roommate’s best friend literally says “we’ll just go out for one drink” on a weeknight, goes to a club, has ONE drink while everyone else is getting to it, and then tells everyone when it’s time to go home so they can actually make it to class in the morning and I’m genuinely terrified by the amount of self control she has
saying you’ll just have one drink at the club on a school night and then following through and getting up for class the next day demonstrates the exact level of resolve it took to amputate your own arm on an 18th century battlefield
can everyone plz wish my parents a safe flight tomorrow morning to the isle of man cos my dad’s ban from visiting the island has been lifted finally after 40 all cos he fired a bottle rocket at the queen of england when he was a teenager
since i’ve gotten some intrigued asks here’s the story:
when my dad was 15 he went with his scout troop to a scouting jamboree on the isle of man where he and his friends decided to set off bottle rockets in the park cos idk they were dumb boys. and one of the bottle rockets went careening off into the road where it exploded right beside a car
now, in what year was my dad 15? 1977. the queen of england’s silver jubilee year. and what was the car my dad’s bottle rocket hit? the queen’s car in the cavalcade during her jubilee visit to the isle of man
throw in the fact my dad is irish and the 70s were the height of the troubles between the republic and britain and WHAM BAM THANK YA MAM! my dad got hit with a lifelong ban from ever visiting the isle of man and he and the whole scout troop were sent home
idk who decided to let him off for good behaviour after 40 years but when he got the letter in 2017 saying he could visit the isle of man again after jan 1 2018, my dad burst into the room on my stepmom and i and announced, “WE’RE GOING TO THE CHANNEL ISLANDS!”
shout out to the anon who just messaged me “that means somewhere out in the multiverse there’s a universe where your dad murdered the queen of england” which i’m never posting and just keeping in my inbox forever thank you that’s lovely and yes that’s exactly the response i wanted this to get
just to truly bring this story to complete conclusion my dad just facetimed me from the park where he nearly killed the queen 40 years ago 🌟
I was one of the first ones to experience it. We were working from both ends, as it were, and had tents on both sides of the river. It was pretty basic, if you wanted something from the other side, you just had to walk it through the tunnel. Anyway the foreman’s on the other side and he radios to ask me across. So I walk through the tunnel – the ‘long walk’, we called it, funnily enough – and it’s slightly spooky because no one else is down there, they’re all working on the lift shafts, and I get up the other side, find the foreman, and his eyes nearly pop out of his head. Says he only radioed like a minute ago and how did I get there so quick? Wouldn’t take my word for it I’d walked. Reckoned I had a buggy down there or something, that it was some kind of prank.
But I stand my ground and he starts to see I’m not lying. Anyway he forgets what he called me there for. He gives me this big red plastic box, tells me to walk back over and hold it up for him when I get to the other side. So I head back down, the lonely walk back, thinking shouldn’t we be getting on with some work. When I get to the top I wave the red box in the air and radio the foreman. ‘You just left me!’ he’s saying, ‘No more than a minute ago’. That’s when I start to feel a bit weird.
one time in like 2010 maybe i was in a dennys with a bunch of rowdy homestuck cosplayers in full grey and horns etc because this was my first dennys experience with cosplayers and i didnt know any better.
anyway i heard one of the waiters say the now infamous line “who the fuck are all these candycorn assholes”
Id like you all to know that in economics class we’re doing this stock market challenge thing, and I set my username to Barry Bluejeans as a joke. Somehow im both in second place and completely anonymous, which has resulted in several people asking, outloud, with complete oblivious sincerity, “who the fuck is barry bluejeans” and it makes my day every single goddamn time
People are now accusing eachother of being the Barry
So I work at a video game store in a mall and across the hall from us is this really nice suit shop. One day one of the guys came in an asked if they could use our microwave (the store they used to go to closed down) and we bargined for use of their bathroom in return since the mall bathrooms are like a 5 min trek.
So for like three months now we just have these men in really nice suits come in and talk while using our microwave and teach them about nerdy shit? Then I, the goblin king in various shitty tee shirts and paint stained pants, walk into their super expensive store and just get greeted with “Yo dude what’s good?” and talk about the pains of steaming silken dress shirts properly and it’s my favorite business interaction every day
A new jewelry store opened up right next to our store and when I used the bathroom today we were talking about it. I hate it on principle (they flooded our systems closet during building) and immediately both Suit Guys™ working went on mini rants. “Their suits are baggy as hell, I wouldn’t trust them to sell me a $9,000 ring when they can’t get a fitted jacket. They look so unprofessional, ” and “I saw one of the dude’s wearing a teal shirt. It’s fall, and you go with teal? At least get a color to match your store if you’re gonna ignore the seasons like that, Christ, but teal is awful.”
My method of getting kids not to swear at camp was just to appeal to their sense of fairness.
Child: “Fuck!”
Me: “Hey! I’m not allowed to swear in front of you guys. It’s not fair if you swear in front of me, is it?”
Child: “I guess not… sorry…”
Sometimes I’d work with teenagers and facilitate activities like giant swing or zipline, which involve full-body harnesses that get Wildly Uncomfortable in the crotch areas. The younger kids didn’t mind it, but those burdened by more of the wonderful gifts of puberty had some things to complain about.
And complain they would! I think 15 year old boys are contractually obligated to shout “THIS HURTS MY BALLS!” at the top of their lungs every time they’re in a harness. To combat this, I’d warn them about the pain ahead of time and tell them that if they need to come down, I’ll help them down immediately. “However, I don’t get paid enough to listen to teenagers scream about their genitals for an hour. If you have to scream, we’re gonna call them ‘your honor’, okay?”
Teenagers screaming “OH NO! MY HONOR!” while swinging through the canopy? Hilarious.
A couple years ago I found an ebay listing for a “haunted cap”. The seller was describing how strange things began happening in his house after he found a hat and a doll in his attic, so he was selling both ‘cause he didn’t know which one was the source of the haunting.
That’s right. He looked at that raggedy old hat and that monstrous burnt doll and couldn’t tell which one of them was more haunted.
have a weird story because my family is weird as hell
my parents tried to have kids for seven years and were trying to adopt when mom found out she was pregnant
my great-grandfather, who my mom really looked up to, died a month before i was born, and right before he died he told my mom ‘you’re gonna have twins. the girl should be older but the boy will be’ (mom hadn’t discussed the pregnancy very much with anyone at this point because… seven years, so he didn’t actually know this information)
and guess fucking what
mom had to have a c-section because we were stupidly large for twins (as in we have a record at the hospital large) and due to that my twin brother kicked me out of the way to be born first
so one, great start on the sibling rivalry
two, i am an actual child of prophecy and that is hilarious
Site Title 