thatdiabolicalfeminist:

When you fuck up, and someone points out how you fucked up, no matter how upset you feel about it, take a step back and deal with your fuckup and your feelings separately.

Your apology should be about what you did wrong and how you plan to be better in the future. Thank them for telling you and giving you the chance to realize how messed up it was. You can say you regret your choice.

Your feelings of guilt/embarrassment/etc need to be handled s e p a r a t e l y.

Don’t demand that a person you just hurt comfort you through your feelings about the situation. Don’t expect them to immediately look past what you did – and the hurt it caused them – to reassure you and make you feel less bad about it. Definitely don’t give a half-assed or nonexistent apology and then attack them for causing you to experience a negative emotion.

Just apologize. Process your feelings about the situation separately with someone who agrees to that, who’s not involved in the situation.

And when you do, don’t make yourself out to be a victim there, either. It’s okay to say “What I did was wrong. Being told I was wrong brought up all these feelings I need to process and understand so I can be better.” You don’t have to make the people you hurt sound like bullies to justify being upset.